It’s going to come to this eventually:
The city of Seattle – mainlanders, as we here on the peninsula of West Seattle will be referring to them soon enough – has seen fit to shut down the West Seattle Bridge. The usual alternative, known colloquially as “the low bridge” (poetic as hell, I know), will be restricted to transit, first responders, and freight. The low bridge also happens to be a draw bridge, adding hilariously to the complications. This means a significant southward detour for 80,000 residents, via and onto roads that are laughably unequipped for heavy traffic volume. But Governor Inslee simultaneously issued a state-wide “please stay home, and stuff” order, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Right? Right. He didn’t use the mot du jour, shelter-in-place, but that’s because it’s been said so many billions of times over the past week that it’s literally impossible to say anymore. We’re just fresh out. Instead he issued a – and I’m quoting here – “stay at home order to fight this virus.”
They’re going to be assessing the bridge due to cracks that they’ve openly admitted to having known about for several years. It’ll be closed as long as it takes for the assessment, and remain closed as long as it takes for repairs. Or, as the SDOT director said in a garish flourish of education-proud degree speak, “until further notice.” The bottom line is that as far as West Seattle is concerned, this here quarantine can go on as long as it wants. We’re going nowhere, and we have everything we need right here anyway. Heck, there’s times I’ve gone weeks without leaving this peninsula, and that’s when we don’t have a plague to celebrate. So roll on, quarantine. Carry on, stay-at-home order. And claim your victims, Coronavirus. We’ll gladly hole up here “until further notice.”
But be advised, mainlanders, one day you’re going to want to come back across that bridge yourselves, to enjoy the beauty of Alki Beach and Lincoln Park, our attendance at which has drawn your ire for a solid week now. You’ll want to take in the best views in the city while hoping to bump into Eddie Vedder. You’ll want to stroll through the Junction, shop at the last Easy Street Records, grab a cone from Husky Deli, and watch the sun go down over the Olympics from Three Tree Point. And we are going to refuse. You will march pathetically through the rubble, over our glorious bridge that you say is barely holding itself together, waving your white flag (check with the Seattle City Council, they have extras from that time they were on Sawant’s side about the head tax), and begging us to let you surrender. We will respond as succinctly as sir Anthony up there, by simply telling you to “Go to Hell.”
White Center will happily (and quite easily, you’d know if you ever deigned to go there) hold our Southern border. That town has resisted white people’s best efforts at gentrification since before Richard Hugo called it home, and it’s residents will be finished with you before their pho gets cold.
Andy Havens 
Famous headline from England years and years back: FOG CLOSES CHANNEL. CONTINENT CUT OFF.
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That’s brilliant, and exactly the way I feel about this.
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[…] recap, in case you missed my bonus post this morning: West Seattle is cut off! It’s just another thing that seems horrifying up front, but will wind up being not very […]
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[…] CLOSES CHANNEL. CONTINENT CUT OFF. YOU SHALL NOT PASS The city of Seattle – mainlanders, as we here on the peninsula of West Seattle will be referring […]
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Dear GVL: I am so saddened to see that you have taken up residence in WA State–Seattle in particular. The deadliest center of socialist/communist atrocities on this continent. Be careful–be very, very careful.
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Greetings, Anonymous. You may have this website confused with American Digest. Gerard has lived here in Seattle, but he left us behind years ago (sage move). He has been kind enough to link to my posts many times over the years – no doubt that’s how you arrived here. And as flattered as I am to be confused with Gerard, I simply cannot claim to be him.
Thanks for coming along, and reading my post, and for keeping SIX FEET AWAY, comrade citizen! Social distancing!
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Thank you for clarifying.
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Question: Did the “authorities” post signs leading on to the bridge that announced a closing date for inspection? How long ago were those signs posted–in other words how many days in advance did they give the public notice of intent to close for inspection?
Thank you
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An announcement from SDOT was made roughly 4 hours before the closure. I believe there were no signs posted.
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Here’s the announcement, dated but not timestamped.
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Sheesh! These folks will never understand abuse of power will they? This is smooth–almost as smooth as snail snot! Live there long enough you begin to smell it coming! Kinda like how they explain corrupt elections–“elections are just an indication of how people are feeling.”
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Perhaps, I should explain–probably you folks already know–the Seattle decision makers are clumsy at best. What should have happened under normal circumstances is that the approaches and the bridge itself would have been marked days in advance of a potential future closing. That would be normal policy. Anybody who has lived out there for any time has known that bridge is a disaster waiting to happen–that is not new. What is new is the sudden discovery “we just found more cracks” and isn’t it timely that we get to shut it down now and make people stay home at the same time–man–it’s a win/win in their play book. Bad management, but great self service!
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